What I know for sure is, if we build Lives around what others expect, from what others have told us to be true without testing, and not build based on the foundation of our own personal values, scaffolded around “what matters to me”, we most likely have built a tower of misery, mediocrity and a muted sense of self. Once in this state, women can feel…
- Off track from goals and where they desire to be in Life
- Unsure what actions to take to even begin getting back on track
- Isolated or detached from genuinely relating with others
- Unfulfilled in their current job or roles
- And even afraid it’s all too late to begin again
I personally found myself in this state during MidLife and it was not a pretty sight! What I had to come to grips with first was in taking responsibility for either staying where I was, or begin rebuilding the Life I believe was still available for me. It begins with giving ourselves the greatest gift of getting to know just who we are. We have mastered getting to know what our spouse, children, friends, customers, boss and even what the government wants, but what about us?
“To thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare
Being faithfully true supporting the needs and values of so many others, we have neglected to provide the space to support our very own. By the time our heads begin spinning realizing “Houston we have a problem”, our plates are full, energy is zapped, we are overcommitted and knee deep in active projects. I mean it’s hard to even order dinner because we are so apart from our deepest longings. Believe me, anxiety over steak or chicken is a symptom of a larger cause. It’s when we decide to step back, breathe deeply and not ignore the ‘cause for pause’, that wisdom can begin to emerge from its veiled dwelling. It’s in tapping into our own Soul’s voice (that inner voice) and allowing it to teach us how to be authentic, knowing who we are, and being unapologetically free to choose our own path at any given moment.
Start this new journey by asking yourself empowering questions like, “What really matters to you _____ ” (fill in your name). Then observe with childlike curiosity when you smile, are inspired to act, even when you’re uncomfortable speaks volumes about YOU. The answers can be used to build a Life solidly on your values and will stand serving others as a legacy. Practice saying “NO” in the mirror until you get comfortable in this foreign vortex of strength. I mean we’ve said “yes” to so much stuff in the past and knew once we were there…”I should be home,” or whatever else your Soul was trying to tell you was best for you but you went anyway. I’m sure you’ve been there too and can relate. Saying “yes” to be liked, understood, even perceived as good or nice instead of what was good for us.
Here’s an example, I had a Client who had what seemed like the American Dream, complete with spouse, kids, dog and upper middle class income – YET she was not happy. She found herself angry at her husband, yelling at the kids and absolutely hating being in the house, while others jetsetted around her. She felt a gaping hole within that could no longer be avoided apart from the busyness of family, friends and civic service. With Coaching, she discovered her Soul was knitted for travel and adventure, yet she had settled into a Life expected of her from upbringing. Now she LOVES her family, but with coaching she now understands where the frustration originates from and no longer makes excuses or blames others for it. She now travels with her husband, alone, with girlfriends and blogs about it to inspire other desperate housewives.
So take daily timeouts getting curious about your Life with compassion and no judgment. Like a good friend who listens, really listens and understands, be that for yourself now, and take small actions towards the Life that is still calling at your heart.
This article was written by Angela Hicks, “The Lifestyle Guru” . Angela is a transformation coach, helping women around the world to no longer fight Life, but embrace it by clearly defining their seemingly impossible goals and create a plan of action to live a life they love. Click hereto invite her to speak at your organization or for information on private to group coaching sessions.