What I know for sure is, if we build Lives around what others expect, from what others have told us to be true without testing, and not build based on the foundation of our own personal values, scaffolded around “what matters to me”, we most likely have built a tower of misery, mediocrity and a muted sense of self. Once in this state, women can feel…

  • Trapped
  • Off track from goals and where they desire to be in Life
  • Unsure what actions to take to even begin getting back on track
  • Isolated or detached from genuinely relating with others
  • Unfulfilled in their current job or roles
  • And even afraid it’s all too late to begin again

I personally found myself in this state during MidLife and it was not a pretty sight!  What I had to come to grips with first was in taking responsibility for either staying where I was, or begin rebuilding the Life I believe was still available for me.  It begins with giving ourselves the greatest gift of getting to know just who we are. We have mastered getting to know what our spouse, children, friends, customers, boss and even what the government wants, but what about us

“To thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare

Being faithfully true supporting the needs and values of so many others, we have neglected to provide the space to support our very own.  By the time our heads begin spinning realizing “Houston we have a problem”, our plates are full, energy is zapped, we are overcommitted and knee deep in active projects.  I mean it’s hard to even order dinner because we are so apart from our deepest longings.  Believe me, anxiety over steak or chicken is a symptom of a larger cause.  It’s when we decide to step back, breathe deeply and not ignore the ‘cause for pause’, that wisdom can begin to emerge from its veiled dwelling.  It’s in tapping into our own Soul’s voice (that inner voice) and allowing it to teach us how to be authentic, knowing who we are, and being unapologetically free to choose our own path at any given moment.

Start this new journey by asking yourself empowering questions like, “What really matters to you _____ ” (fill in your name). Then observe with childlike curiosity when you smile, are inspired to act, even when you’re uncomfortable speaks volumes about YOU. The answers can be used to build a Life solidly on your values and will stand serving others as a legacy.  Practice saying “NO” in the mirror until you get comfortable in this foreign vortex of strength. I mean we’ve said “yes” to so much stuff in the past and knew once we were there…”I should be home,” or whatever else your Soul was trying to tell you was best for you but you went anyway.  I’m sure you’ve been there too and can relate.  Saying “yes” to be liked, understood, even perceived as good or nice instead of what was good for us. 

Here’s an example, I had a Client who had what seemed like the American Dream, complete with spouse, kids, dog and upper middle class income – YET she was not happy. She found herself angry at her husband, yelling at the kids and absolutely hating being in the house, while others jetsetted around her. She felt a gaping hole within that could no longer be avoided apart from the busyness of family, friends and civic service. With Coaching, she discovered her Soul was knitted for travel and adventure, yet she had settled into a Life expected of her from upbringing. Now she LOVES her family, but with coaching she now understands where the frustration originates from and no longer makes excuses or blames others for it. She now travels with her husband, alone, with girlfriends and blogs about it to inspire other desperate housewives.

So take daily timeouts getting curious about your Life with compassion and no judgment.  Like a good friend who listens, really listens and understands, be that for yourself now, and take small actions towards the Life that is still calling at your heart. 


This article was written by Angela Hicks, “The Lifestyle Guru” .  Angela is a transformation coach, helping women around the world to no longer fight Life, but embrace it by clearly defining their seemingly impossible goals and create a plan of action to live a life they love.  Click hereto invite her to speak at your organization or for information on private to group coaching sessions.

Angela Hicks, “The Lifestyle Guru”

 

What do I want?

A simple yet powerful question I still to this day continue to ask myself, because as we mature and life continues to evolve, the answer grows.  For decades I lived my life by default, by accomplishing what I believed would appease others; until one day I had the epiphany of wondering what my life would look like if I tore everything down I had built for everyone else, and rebuild using my blueprint plans drawn from considering the desires of my own heart.  The first step to remodeling my life was to go to the Genesis — the beginning seeds or foundation that my life was built up on.  This took me on a journey remembering good, bad and ugly words sown into my life; that I took ownership of and nourished into healthy life sapping vines. 

I believe as babies we were so perfectly mindful of the ability to do it all, to actually live in a realm of “all things possible” without any judgment, condemnation or voices of the world to tell us ‘No you cannot do that.”  Think about all the wonderful miraculous achievements of a typical child within their first 3 years of life!  They fall down continuously (hard mind you) until walking is mastered; ignoring parents and well-meaning family to stay in a determined safe zone, only to reset their own mind to an awaiting adventure to fearlessly conquer.  This wonderful mindset is a fiercely dominant force until the child enters …. public school.  It’s in this environment where most are conditioned to a squishy softness to NOT do this or that, wear that, say that, look like that, feel like that or most importantly think freely.  The child’s complete strength of self is stripped and replaced with every colorful and uncoordinated attire from others desire for their life; resulting in completely forgetting just who they are and what it is I want out of this gift called life.  Dressed in the coat of many colors held together with patches of “You’re not good enough, skinny enough, smart enough, fast enough or pretty enough, we are then shoved out into the world at graduation and told to conquer it and be successful.

At the Genesis we are most likely to hear the “no you cannot” so much that we actually look for permission to live, move and have our being in our adult life.  “Who told you that you were naked?”  Those famous Words from the lips of God to Adam after the sinful fall (in the 3rd book of Genesis), reveals a powerful truth in just how deformed our lives can become from the words of another.  We lose touch with our very soul, that still small voice within, while the volume increases on every critic that’s crossed our life’s path.  I encourage you to get back in touch with your desire and longings.  These feelings are in you for a very good reason, so don’t dismiss them any longer.  Allow yourself the grace to explore them without further suppression by asking yourself “What do I want?” or “What would I love in my life?”

“The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the question we ask.”

Here’s a very simple way to get you started, and it does not matter what age this writing inspires you to take action.  There is no age cap for a life reinvented.  Grab a cup of coffee or tea, a notepad and pen, sit in a comfy chair (with a blanket if you’d like), take a deep breath, ask yourself these questions and then just listen.  Be and simply listen. Your soul that’s been stilled for so long will eventually speak.  Now when it does, don’t be scared of the enormity of the dream.  We can become sidetracked by comparing our past life experiences to the ability to see our Divine purpose into fruition.  Know that you are created to do exactly what life demands of you, and this life will never lie to you; as life seeks only for your good.  Your past, line of credit, skin color, sex, education, social status or lineage does not have the capacity to define the wealth of who you are, so don’t look to it for a definition–look within.

Share with us in the comments how you will create the life you’d love to live, and no longer live life by default!  

For life/mentorship coaching with Angela, email her at Angela@OpulentWomensNetwork.com.