What I know for sure is, if we build Lives around what others expect, from what others have told us to be true without testing, and not build based on the foundation of our own personal values, scaffolded around “what matters to me”, we most likely have built a tower of misery, mediocrity and a muted sense of self. Once in this state, women can feel…

  • Trapped
  • Off track from goals and where they desire to be in Life
  • Unsure what actions to take to even begin getting back on track
  • Isolated or detached from genuinely relating with others
  • Unfulfilled in their current job or roles
  • And even afraid it’s all too late to begin again

I personally found myself in this state during MidLife and it was not a pretty sight!  What I had to come to grips with first was in taking responsibility for either staying where I was, or begin rebuilding the Life I believe was still available for me.  It begins with giving ourselves the greatest gift of getting to know just who we are. We have mastered getting to know what our spouse, children, friends, customers, boss and even what the government wants, but what about us

“To thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare

Being faithfully true supporting the needs and values of so many others, we have neglected to provide the space to support our very own.  By the time our heads begin spinning realizing “Houston we have a problem”, our plates are full, energy is zapped, we are overcommitted and knee deep in active projects.  I mean it’s hard to even order dinner because we are so apart from our deepest longings.  Believe me, anxiety over steak or chicken is a symptom of a larger cause.  It’s when we decide to step back, breathe deeply and not ignore the ‘cause for pause’, that wisdom can begin to emerge from its veiled dwelling.  It’s in tapping into our own Soul’s voice (that inner voice) and allowing it to teach us how to be authentic, knowing who we are, and being unapologetically free to choose our own path at any given moment.

Start this new journey by asking yourself empowering questions like, “What really matters to you _____ ” (fill in your name). Then observe with childlike curiosity when you smile, are inspired to act, even when you’re uncomfortable speaks volumes about YOU. The answers can be used to build a Life solidly on your values and will stand serving others as a legacy.  Practice saying “NO” in the mirror until you get comfortable in this foreign vortex of strength. I mean we’ve said “yes” to so much stuff in the past and knew once we were there…”I should be home,” or whatever else your Soul was trying to tell you was best for you but you went anyway.  I’m sure you’ve been there too and can relate.  Saying “yes” to be liked, understood, even perceived as good or nice instead of what was good for us. 

Here’s an example, I had a Client who had what seemed like the American Dream, complete with spouse, kids, dog and upper middle class income – YET she was not happy. She found herself angry at her husband, yelling at the kids and absolutely hating being in the house, while others jetsetted around her. She felt a gaping hole within that could no longer be avoided apart from the busyness of family, friends and civic service. With Coaching, she discovered her Soul was knitted for travel and adventure, yet she had settled into a Life expected of her from upbringing. Now she LOVES her family, but with coaching she now understands where the frustration originates from and no longer makes excuses or blames others for it. She now travels with her husband, alone, with girlfriends and blogs about it to inspire other desperate housewives.

So take daily timeouts getting curious about your Life with compassion and no judgment.  Like a good friend who listens, really listens and understands, be that for yourself now, and take small actions towards the Life that is still calling at your heart. 


This article was written by Angela Hicks, “The Lifestyle Guru” .  Angela is a transformation coach, helping women around the world to no longer fight Life, but embrace it by clearly defining their seemingly impossible goals and create a plan of action to live a life they love.  Click hereto invite her to speak at your organization or for information on private to group coaching sessions.

Angela Hicks, “The Lifestyle Guru”

 

Can We Talk?

As I was busy cooking before hubby arrived, and trying to pay attention to my friend on speakerphone, who was filling me in on a troubling circumstance in her life, I heard her ask…”Can we talk?”  But wait a minute, I thought we were talking.  What was I missing?  Did she say something that I didn’t catch in between the stir frying of vegetables and bubbling of jasmine rice?

I stopped everything and said, “Let’s meet at the coffee shop in 45 minutes”.  I felt a little guilty for not fully providing her my full attention, and knew in our coffee shop spot, I’d be all ears and heart.  As we sat down, I noticed that her body language was slumped, her hair unusually messy bunned, and her eye contact somewhat reaching into my soul for an invisible anchor to rest from it all.  She took a deep breath and verbally dumped. Literally dumped everything from her fears, doubts and insecurities; all conjured up from this “circumstance”.

Patricia, my friend, was never the needy type. She’s always proven resilient, confident and in control during the most challenging of times; yet today, clearly not her normal self.  I was taken aback for a moment, as I took my eyes off of her for a reaching distraction, and grabbed my spoon to stir my coffee.

After listening and providing my best wisdom on how she can use her strengths to overcome this challenge, Patricia kept pushing back with excuses to why the challenge was more dominate than her abilities to overcome it.  It was after she kept dodging my wisdoms with heavily grey filtered responses for over 35 minutes, that I became thoroughly exhausted.  I suddenly realized, in the dodgeball game of it all, Patricia only wanted to vent.  I was invited to ‘talk’, but this was a way for her voice, which had gone unheard originally, finally be heard.  She didn’t want me to come to the rescue or offer a way of escape that had gone previously noticed.  She wanted to stay where she was, and claim defeat.

Not all of our friends want advice or a way to even grow from an experience.  And knowing when to pull back and not allow ourselves to be drawn into the frenzy is self and relationship preserving.  “I could’ve listened just as well on the phone while still at home”, I thought to myself.  But in my cooking frenzy, which had now become guilt for not really listening at the beginning, and in all honesty, need to be a friend, I put on my ego empowered wonder woman cape and came to the rescue.

The point of this open and honest writing is to make sure in the everyday conversations with love ones that we are fully present, and if at that time the opportunity is not conducive to be so, let people know you’ll connect with them later.  This is a way to not only honor yourself, but also them.  I’ve learned a lot from that coffee shop meeting.  I’ve challenged myself to be present minded in conversations, to allow others the space to voice what they need from me, and to ask more questions verses providing unsolicited advice.  We are all walking on different paths on this journey called Life, and meeting each other where we are, is the best way to be a friend.


This article was written by Angela Hicks, “The Lifestyle Guru” .  Angela is a transformation coach, helping women around the world to clearly define their seemingly impossible goals and create a plan of action to live a life they love.  Click hereto invite her to speak at your organization or for information on private to group coaching sessions.

Within weeks, 2017 will be no more.  Like you, I approach this time in reflection of where I planned to be in January 2017 up until now, and I’m quite pleased with the progress.  No, I did not meet every goal, but what I did do is make great strides in focusing on three words that kept me in perfect step with intentive actions demanding greater results.  My three 2017 words were…Prepare, Position, Possess.

I adopted these powerful words as my own in order to ensure my foot prints were synchronized to the tune of Living a Life I Love.  I trusted Life experiences to prepare me by strengthening my infrastructure (my soul) for the next position or level in order to possess what was for me at the finish line.  You’ve heard me say this before, and the truth still rings true,

“If you want something you’ve never had, then you need to DO something that you’ve never done.”

Any desired change comes with the person taking ownership in the direction to go, because it’s no one else’s responsibility but our own.  Who else would you want to entrust with creating YOUR Life?  To give another power is dangerous, not to mention it lowers your level of Living down to merely existing; especially at the whim of another’s emotions.  With so many things pulling at our skirts in demand for attention, our Dreams, our goals and desires can become distant memories as soon as February rolls around.  

To help us all WIN in 2018, we are not focusing on what we don’t want in our Life, through a listing of resolutions that scream of all the things we deem wrong with us.  This list of horrors (as I call them) can be rattled off without taking a breath (because we constantly rehearse these horrors in our minds).  We’re too familiar with what we believe is wrong.  Did you know the very thing focused on the most becomes the reality.  I can say I want to lose weight, but what do I really focus on by mental rehearsals?  For me many years past it was “I’m fat”.  So, that’s exactly what I was every year until I broke the cycle and changed my truth. 

“Where focus goes, energy flows to create it.”

Everything we see around us was created twice—once by thought and then by active creation.  An airplane was a thought in the heads of the Wright brothers until they physically made the thought.  A chair was only a thought in the imagination of a designer until it was drawn and built.

As busy women, we can sure use a more simple yet powerful guide to achieve not what we don’t, but what we DO want in our Lives.  Here’s a 3 step process to Living your best Life in 2018…

STEP 1

What do you want to be, do and have in 2018?  See this clearly by envisioning you’re already Living this Life.  Go ahead and close your eyes, and give yourself the gift of a daydream.  What do you see yourself doing, feeling, smelling and tasting?  How are others reacting to your presence?  Use all of your senses to make this as real as possible.  As we believe, so it is. 

STEP 2

Notice your future self’s character Living the Life of your Dreams.  She’s telling you what you need to become in order to reach her.  Identify the attributes and make note of them.  Are you being more kind, compassionate, self-assured, direct, leading and engaging.  Write them all down.

STEP 3

Now choose 1 word from your list in Step 2 that resonates with you most.  This word will help guide your decisions towards that Life you just envisioned for yourself.  Give yourself the grace of patience as you embark on this journey, as it will seem surreal, yet know others have practiced this process and achieved miraculous results.  From all of us at Opulent Women’s Network, may you have your Happiest New Year yet!